I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
