this just has baby written all over it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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