At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
