you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
