why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Holy shit dude........stairs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
