I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
