porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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