I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
