I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
