i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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