DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
