He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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