help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
