I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
