I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
