Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
