she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
