When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
