so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
