im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
