she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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