Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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