i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
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party gras won. party gras always wins.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
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I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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