i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
