i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
