I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
