it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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