Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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