After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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