ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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