It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
