I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
