I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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