He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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