I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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