If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
