Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
