She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
