College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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