how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
