sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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