It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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