good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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