i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
