the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
