alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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