so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
