Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
