My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
