The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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