I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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