This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
