ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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