Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize