she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
