This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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