apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
