just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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