why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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