if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
