I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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