no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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