1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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