I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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