I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
