I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
