I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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