So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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