in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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