In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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