That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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