You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
