just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
